It drives you crazy! Why do they do things that way? Why do they do them at all? WTF
I live in a cohousing community in southeastern BC. It is a new community and There Is So Much to do! And it is late summer, people have been traveling, some committees are just getting going. Gosh our Common House isn’t even done yet. Nor the path from one side of the community to the other.
And I’m a newbie and an American at that. My voice carries – I blame that part on Italian genetics and maybe voice lessons as a kid. But I’ve been around the block group wise – The Artist Gallery – a cooperative gallery of over 40 artists in Flagstaff, AZ; the Great Peace March for Global Nuclear Disarmament (that was a Trip); teaching both high school and elementary school; women’s groups out the yin-yang. WORKING IN GROUPS IS A SPIRITUAL EDUCATION UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE I KNOW!
This post is an attempt to articulate one layer of what I see occur occasionally. Conflict happens – perhaps actually between individuals, or just an internal dialogue one person (me perhaps) has within about a situation, action, Something that someone has done. They just didn’t Do It the Right Way… or at all… or went 180 from the way I think they should have gone. I can create dissension in my heart and perhaps in my group by holding that position. And maybe what someone did is really against my preference.
But when did making someone wrong ever succeed in doing anything? No really think about it in your life. Other than making you feel temporarily – and I do mean temporarily, Superior. Does making someone wrong – within yourself, or within a family, group, organization, country ever Really help the situation? Does it make you feel loving or empowered? [note: I’m not talking about serial killers here I’m talking about someone relatively close to you pissing you off.]
I have a solution. I realize hundreds of long books have been written on this, and this is just an early blog of mine – but I do have a potential solution. What if we frame the whole situation in a different way? What if we are curious? What if we Forgive that person for not being us and consider it a QUESTION OF STYLE.
“People very rarely set out to cause upset – they just behave differently because they are different.” Business colleges have classes, workshops and degrees teaching how to work with this.
DIFFERENT: Different personality types, ala Meyers Briggs, different generational groups, ala Boomer, Gen X, Millennials, and now Gen Z, different enneagrams (check this one out for fun), different astrological signs etc. We are different from each other (duh) but what I feel is important to talk about is that we each have a preferred style of doing what we do.
I’m going to end this rather quickly – Life has come up and hopefully I’ve made my point or will try to make it better later. Let’s give each other a break, realize that it might be Style rather than Error. Whatever framing of the situation helps me open my heart, forgive perceived errors and actually be curious about the situation is what I want my style to be!